Thursday, May 16, 2013

Diaries of a Lonely Pessimist: Part II

Illustration by Kelly

  Lately I've been lacking inspiration for posts. I've been doing pointless shit like reviews (which is no one is going to read, god, why are you still even posting them), photo dumps, and David Bowie spam. The pink hair of mine that was once vibrant and electric is now turning to salmon, an almost orange-tinted hue of pinkish blonde madness. My face is breaking out, I can't seem to do makeup anymore, and all of my outfits are unoriginal and consist of just jeans and a T-shirt. So as you can see, I am a little hard on myself. But I feel gross at the moment and am in desperate need of a shower, so I consider myself actually not acting too harsh and going a bit lightly. The point is: I feel gross.
  There's this new girl in school who has somehow for god knows what reason decided to join my friend clique and she seems pretty nice. She's pretty, tall (waaay taller than me), and is an out lesbian (or maybe bisexual. Or pansexual. I don't know. All I know is she likes girls) and that means that your good friend Sam here might actually have a chance with her. I've caught her staring at me (I don't mean to sound vain, maybe it's because of my hair) and she's stared into my eyes for just a little too long (not that I don't mind) and I know I'm rambling right now but I just- ahh! The thought of having an actual girlfriend feels kind of nice. It would also nice to be openly out (it's not like I deny it when someone asks, but as of right now, only my friend group(s) are completely aware of my sexual status), and it would also be nice to hold my girlfriend's hand in the hallway or something. The only fear I have is that someone in the school would tell their parents, who in turn would tell mine. Not that I have an issue with my parents knowing I'm dating a girl. But sleepovers would not be virtually impossible because my parents would think I'd be banging whoever I brought over, which would be a big no-no in my books.
  Maybe I'm getting too far ahead of myself; I don't even know that this girl likes me yet. I know her name but I'm choosing to keep it secret in fear that she'll find it. Of course, till next time, I'm Sam, your lovely pansexual host.
My roots are growing alarmingly quick, my bangs are blonde/orange, and the back is fading quickly. And it's only been twelve days since it was dyed!


  1. Aw, never apologise for bowie spam! And I hope you get with this girl...I totally get what you mean about the whole coming out thing, it would be nice to come out and actually have a girlfriend instead of coming out and being single for ages. Much love and good luck! <3

  2. Hi, Sam! If you enjoy discussing Bowie, glam, 60s rock and other topics you've been posting about then rest assured they are not pointless. There will always be people who enjoy your blog and share your interests. I am one of them and I hope by now I count for something in your world.

    Addressing today's topic, I was not aware of your preference but it matters not to me. Keep watching for body language signals and verbal cues. Soon you should be able to tell whether or not she is reaching out to you. As for me, I have not come here to judge you. I have come here in a sincere effort to forge a friendship with you and find common ground across the generations and across the miles.

    Please don't be afraid to reciprocate, Sam. I would never debate you or make you feel small. I will always do my best to make you feel special and important. Communication is a two way street and I am eager to make a direct connection with you so that we can share a dialogue rather than two separate monologues. If you genuinely welcome me into your world then please give me a brief poke either here on your blog or on my blog. It can be as simple as a friendly hello but it will let me know that you really want me to follow you and participate. Thank you, Sam!

  3. Still digging the pink hair, and good luck with that girl!

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